Questions

It's cold and quiet tonight. I can hear the sleet pinging against the window next to me on my left. I have the window open just a crack to let some cold night air into the bedroom. And I write from a laptop on a wooden folding dinner tray. LOL I like my little worspace. It's uncluttered. LOL

My husband is there in the bed to my right, breathing restlessly. I have the television volume on very low, and Animal Planet is on. The low lamp-light on my nightstand is on next to me.

There are things coming up soon and I'm unsure which way to go, or which way these events might bring me. The big magazine that I talked about a while back has been in touch with me and the editor-in-chief is taking me to lunch next week. It's the "in" I've been waiting for for almost three years, and I'm pulling ideas together to talk to her about, and to show her how passionate I am about what I do.

What I do is create.

But....then there's the movie studio, being built right here in the very town in which I live. It's a huge project, and I'm very excited about it, but it will take several years to be completed. I've already sent them a resume. But there's no guarantee they'll want me. In fact, there's no guarantee the magazine will want me either, but at least I can pitch myself.

So what do I do? Shall I pursue the possibility of working at a magazine that I've been chasing for several years? Is the time right? Will they pay me what I will ask? Are the kids still too young for me to be so far away? Who will drive them to soccer practice and CCD and skating? Who will go to the school events?

Hubby would gladly help, I have no doubt, but he has so much on his plate already. Is it fair to ask more of him? Or is it fair for me to keep on making such meager pay and putting so much financial responsibility on him? Should I stay where I am, close to home, close to the kids, until they're older? Or should I take a chance if it presents itself?

Sigh.

The future is uncertain for me at the moment. And I haven't touched my book in months, which I regret. I just haven't been into it at all these days.

We'll have to see what, if anything, next week brings. After that, one day at a time.

Too funny not to share

I have to tell you a funny story. We took the kids ice skating today at a nearby indoor rink, and both the girls were off with friends and my husband and I sat in the bleachers watching them.

Eventually, my oldest daughter, the 13-year-old, comes over to us with this scowl on her face.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"Mom, my friend said every time she looks over here, you and dad are making out!"

Priceless.

A letter in the mail

I knew it was coming, of course. I'd been expecting it for a very long time, yet hoping at the same time to hold it at bay just a little longer. I pushed if off my mental radar, because each time I thought of it, a tight little knot formed in my stomache.

But today, it hit me in the face with a dopeslap of reality. It came in the mail addressed to the "parents/guardians of (enter oldest daughter's name here)." And it was from the local high school she'll be attending in the fall. It was a letter of welcome, and telling me to mark a certain date on the calendar to go to the high school and find out the curriculum.

She's talked about high school all year, mocking me by telling me how many more months and weeks it would be until she was in high school. I'd chuckle and laugh it off, and then hide in the bathroom until the feeling of dread passed.

This weekend was hard in my house. It seems that so many things happened at the same time to point out to me in loudest possible form that she was growing up and will one day be gone.

She's in love for the first time, and with a total loser. No, I wouldn't say that about any boy she liked, but I've seen this one, and he's a loser. LOL But I guess she doesn't think so. I never thought all the losers I liked were really losers, and yet most of them were.

I know. Love is blind. We always think with our hearts and not always our minds.

Since the day my daughters came into this world, I've dreaded these years ahead, the teen years, that will likely be the most emotional of their lives. I hope I can handle it. My mother didn't handle it very well with me, but I plan on doing a better job of it.

Let's hope I can.