The friends we keep

In the last year or so, I've discovered why I was put on this earth. No, not to be a good mom, or a good wife. I was put here for two reasons: to write, and to listen.

Writing is my life. It always has been. And I've come to understand that I will likely always be poor because of it. LOL And that's OK. I like to keep life simple.

Listening is a gift (or curse) that I have had since I was little. People tell me things. When they need to unload, or share a secret, or to convey gossip, and sometimes to tell someone a deep, darkest secret.....yep, that's where I come in.

I don't always like being a listener, or a shoulder to cry on, because it can consume you sometimes, the problems people have, and become your own. It's hard for someone like me to detach myself emotionally from anything. But for some reason, people tell me things. Sometimes they're little things, bothersome things, and sometimes they're things that would make your hair curl. But the bottom line is, I was put here to listen, and to give comfort, and that's what I do.

Now, one of the things I've always liked about myself is that I allow people from all walks of life into my life. I believe all people are basically good (even when they do stupid things) and it's an honor to learn about people and their lives, and why they do the things they do.

But sometimes, I have to weed people out for the sake of my mental health. It's rare that I do this, but sometimes it's necessary.

Recently a woman came into my life and I really don't know what the fuck to make of her. I like her in general. She's fun and sweet and generous with others. But after last night, I can see very clearly that we have almost nothing in common. But even that, in the big picture, is not enough for me to cut off a friend, but her principles and mine are SO different it was almost scary.

I wonder sometimes why God brings certain people into my life. Sometimes I think it's to reward me, because they're so special, but sometimes I think it's to test me. To help someone who needs help. So I try to look past the crap and see the real person and try to understand how to help them. Most of us don't even realize we need help. This woman needs me for something.

We were playing a sort of game that women do sometimes (and likely men too) where you dream up that "what if" scenario. It's fun to fantasize, but in reality, my principles are what they are. She was not only surprised at my opinion on certain things, she was downright shocked that I could sound so old-fashioned. She made a remark in CAPS that burned itself into my mind and has pissed me off ever since she wrote it.

But why should I be pissed off? It's not what she said, not only that, it's that her beliefs on one particular, extremely important, subject are the polar opposite of mine, and while I held my tongue on my opinion of her remark, she blatantly expressed her shock at my stand. And she honestly believed that her way of thinking was the way everyone thinks.

Driving to work this morning, I had that familiar wrinkle between my eyebrows that I get when I'm deep in thought, or angry or confused about something. I thought about cutting her out of my life. She'd be too much. She'd suck me into her circle and make her issues my own.

But then I thought, this is a good person who was brought into my life for a reason. Maybe to test me, maybe to teach me. By cutting her out, I'll never know, and knowing is important. Learning is important. Maybe in her own twisted way, she'll have some positive impact on my life. I can't yet see what that might be, but we'll just have to see.